Depression Aniexty : Life Has Gone Tasteless

Have you ever been in a situation in life whereby no matter what you do or where you turn - you are still trapped ? I have. And I am still in it. Damn tired of it.
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Not only life feels tasteless, but my depersonalization is kicking harder every day. I sense that everything has the consistency of a dream. Today I've gone out to buy a book and read it in front of a cup of tea. I can't do justice to the sensation, but it felt as if I woke up in a body I wasn't controlling and in a place that could vanish at any moment. Channeling Tyler Durden, "everything is a copy of a copy of a copy." Things feel washed out, uncompleted. Nowadays I have to focus and tune my mind so a truck won't knock me over. I feel perpetually in that state where you are floating underwater but your senses can't tell. I would say it disturbs me, but I can't remember feeling any other way.
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Yup, life’s boring, an endless repetition of similar days and i’ve still got a lot of days to go (probably). I think i’ll take a shortcut if i get too annoyed/bored.


… but it’s kind of my fault, it would be less boring if i’d actually do something with my hours. I read a different book, listen to a different cd, but it’s still reading a book, listening, sleeping, it’s not that ‘different’.
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I convince myself to go out more, but only because I prefer reading outside and in front of a cup of tea. Still, I'm out there for a couple of hours maximum. When I come back I do nothing but post on forums, watch an episode of anything or just sit back and think for hours. I find hard to remember what I have done the previous days. Sometimes I'm trying to pinpoint when I did something in particular and I realize I did it six days ago, when I could have sworn I did it yesterday. I'd like to travel or do anything out of the ordinary, but I'm broke and I never prepare anything. I know the effort would be worthless most of the time; I would come home too late, tired and about to sleep so the next day I can face another meaningless day. Then I what I did yesterday wouldn't have any effect on today's anhedonia. I believe it felt like serving a prison sentence, and it's true. Sometimes I think it would be exactly the same if I slept sixteen hours a day.

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Does anybody actually enjoy life? People claim they do. Sure, there are some great moments here and there, but the unpredictability, relationships, stress, expectations, etc. make life a pretty crappy experience. Are these people being honest?
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Because life is pointless and every and any action you do, may it be to love or to hate, to kill or to save or to become the most influencial person the world has ever seen or to become a drug addict its all the same. Life doesn't have a point and when the humanity inevitably ceases to exist all the things humans have ever done will be as its never been done at all.
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Life is becoming tasteless for me. I used to enjoy very few things in life.....

That's no longer the case. Everywhere and everything looks the same to me. That sucks.
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